Friends and family of Mary Lou O’Neil described the longtime Hancock woman as a connector of people, lover of folk music and avid tennis player.
If there was a nonprofit in the area that needed a helping hand, O’Neil was eager to step up. She was a connoisseur of fine cheese and touched the lives of countless students as the school to career counselor at ConVal High School.
And because of her passion for community, large network of friends and knack for bringing people together, O’Neil’s passing on July 29 at the age of 69 from lung cancer will “leave a big hole” said longtime friend Laura Gingras.
“She was one of those people when you met Mary Lou and experienced her warmth she became a dear friend,” Gingras said.
O’Neil was never a smoker, which is why her diagnosis earlier this year came as quite a shock. She fought her illness with the same gusto that she approached life, her niece Shannon O’Bent said, but ultimately it was a battle that just couldn’t be won.
“But she was never bitter, never felt cheated,” Gingras said. “She said she had a good, full life.”
Look at the Caring Bridge page set up by friend Amy Markus to keep others up to date with O’Neil’s cancer fight and the impact that the longtime Hancock resident had on others is quickly apparent. The stories and condolences paint a picture of a woman who will be truly missed.
“She had infinite people who loved her,” O’Bent said.
Markus said she first met O’Neil 35 years ago as they both lived in Hancock and shared mutual friends. She said O’Neil “had a wonderful sense of humor and was quick-witted.”
“That’s probably how I remember her most,” Markus said.
In 2014, O’Neil moved into Markus’s house and they were housemates for four years.
“I was an empty-nester and had room in my house and she was looking for where to live next,” Markus said. She described their time living together like being in college, as they shared jewelry, clothes and shoes.
Markus said O’Neil was an incredibly busy person, who was involved in countless organizations and activities. Over the years she was a member of the 100+ Women Who Care Monadnock and the Monadnock Indoor Tennis Club. She served on the board of the Peterborough Chamber of Commerce, Club Cannon and Peterborough Folk Music, along with the Fill the Void committee and was involved in the Black Fly Story Hour and the United Way.
“She had a finger in almost every not for profit in the area at one time or another,” Gingras said.
O’Bent said it was obvious how many people cared for O’Neil, and it became even more evident since her diagnosis.
“Every time I came to visit it was like traveling around with a celebrity in southern New Hampshire,” O’Bent said. “A lot of people knew her in so many different ways.”
Gingras said it was heartening to see the people that stepped up to help O’Neil since her diagnosis, a testament to the impact she had.
O’Neil began working at ConVal in 1997 and spent 20 years at the high school assisting students to find internships in a career they were potentially interested in.
“I think that was a dream job that I don’t think she expected to want,” O’Bent said.
Markus said her dear friend was perfect for the job.
“She placed so many teenagers in internships because she was genuinely interested in helping them find their way in the world,” Markus said. “She was really devoted to helping people and those kids were her joy.”
Gingras said she was so passionate about her job, tirelessly working to find the right fit for every student.
Samantha Mannion, a 2009 ConVal graduate, first met O’Neil when she was the chaperone on a trip to a conference in Maine with the environmental science group. Mannion came from humble beginnings and on the way to Maine they stopped for lunch in Portsmouth. Mannion didn’t have money to buy lunch and was going to skip it, but O’Neil paid for it instead.
From there the relationship between the two grew.
“She was the first adult where it wasn’t a teacher/student relationship,” Mannion said. “She talked to us like we were young adults. From day one I knew she was an adult I could trust. I could talk to her and tell her about anything.”
They often ate lunch together and talked about things outside of school. Mannion said she returned home in July and went to lunch with O’Neil at Nature’s Green Grocer and finally got the opportunity to return the favor and buy lunch.
“I’ll never forget how much respect she gave me and how much that meant to me,” Mannion said.
When Mannion was selected as a Dollars For Scholars recipient, O’Neil was her advisor and they remained in contact through college.
“She was always great about seeing how I was doing,” Mannion said. “She was always so supportive.”
Markus said O’Neil “just had this very rich, full life and touched a lot of people.”
“She would just go out of her way to be generous and kind,” Markus said. “She was very social, very outgoing and really cared about people.”
Ray Sweeney, the longtime ConVal music director, met O’Neil before the two worked together and became much closer during their 13 years together at the school.
Even after Sweeney retired in 2010, they would have dinners together and O’Neil would call or email with ideas of things to do.
“She was on top of everything going on everywhere,” Sweeney said. He called her passing so sad.
“I never knew a more caring, compassionate, empathetic human being in my life,” Sweeney said. “She was just a wonderful, wonderful person.”
He remembers seeing O’Neil at a Hancock summer concert in early July where O’Bent and her husband Stephen performed and is thankful for the final memories. Sweeney said they bonded over music and a shared passion for connecting with students.
Her passion for folk music dates back to her younger days, both playing the guitar and attending concerts.
“Her ability to just whip out the guitar and start singing a song while everyone is sitting in the living room is something I’ve never been able to understand,” O’Bent said. She would create funny songs and it was something that her niece said she admired.
Deb McWethy, founder of Peterborough Folk Music, said her bond with O’Neil happened through music. She said O’Neil helped promote the music “like no other.”
“I may never get used to Mary Lou not being here, not being able to pick up the phone to call her, or text back and forth during the NHPR’s Sunday night folk show,” McWethy said. “If we couldn’t get together to listen to the show we would text back and forth, always to see who could be the first to say who the songwriter was.”
After her diagnosis, O’Bent said her goal was to spend the summer on Lake Nubanusit. O’Bent said a contingent of family members arrived in late June to spend time with O’Neil and make the most of the house on the lake. Unfortunately her illness didn’t allow her to see it all the way through.
O’Bent said as recently as two weeks before O’Neil’s passing, she was kayaking on the lake. Then things took a drastic turn, but that O’Neil got the quick end she wanted.
To honor O’Neil’s memory, a scholarship fund is being created at ConVal for students who are not going to college but want to go to a trade school or need assistance establishing their trade. O’Bent said it is the perfect way to memorialize her aunt.
A memorial service will be held with a date to be determined. For updates, visit https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marylouoneil/journal.