At a recent demonstration in Troy, a handmade sign did something that dozens of protest signs rarely accomplish: It persuaded a stranger to stop, get out of his car and talk.
On Fridays in July, I joined about 15 sign-holders during the group’s regular late-afternoon demonstrations. After participating in similar events throughout Cheshire County, I had noticed that motorists’ reactions generally fall into a few predictable categories: Some drivers pass without acknowledging us or even seeing the signs. Others wave, honk or give a thumbs-up. A smaller number respond with a thumbs-down, an angry gesture or a blast of exhaust.
Those reactions may show approval or disapproval, but none of them creates a real exchange between neighbors. I created a different message: “Wanna pull over for a chat?” I then stood at the end of the line of demonstrators, near a spot where a driver could safely pull off the road. Within 15 minutes, someone did.
The man, who appeared to be in his early 40s, approached me with his hand extended — it was in a cast — and said he’d never pulled over to speak with a protester before. My open invitation and his willingness to pull over led to a civil, natural conversation lasting about 30 minutes.
We did not begin with political arguments. I asked about his injured wrist. He asked why I was standing there and why I wanted to talk. I told him I just wanted to listen, understand his concerns and get to know one of my neighbors.
Although it became apparent that he had voted Republican and had some regrets, we never turned the conversation into a debate over candidates or party platforms. Instead, we found common ground talking about fatherhood, marriage, communication and personal interests. We discovered at least half a dozen things we shared. When I introduced him to another sign-holder, they quickly realized they knew some of the same people. By the time we parted, there had been several fist bumps and a hug.
The interaction reinforced a basic lesson: Listening without judgment can accomplish something that slogans and shouted arguments cannot. People are simply more complicated than their voting records. They are parents, spouses, workers, neighbors and community members. When we begin with curiosity rather than accusation or assumption, common ground is not difficult to find.
I believe this approach could add a valuable new dimension to local demonstrations. Cheshire County Democrats will become known not only for expressing our views, but also for being willing to listen — for being civil, curious, engaging and welcoming.
That does not mean every conversation will be easy. Some people who stop may support our causes and want to volunteer, donate or learn more. Others may simply be curious. Still others may arrive angry and eager to unload their frustrations.
These conversations always require preparation, caution and good judgment. Anyone inviting motorists to stop will be trained and will have a partner close by. Logistics require a location where vehicles can pull over safely and avoid escalating confrontations. None of us attempts this alone.
What skills do we employ? We ask sincere, open-ended questions, listen carefully, acknowledge the person’s experiences and resist the impulse to immediately challenge their statements.
Listening is not the same as agreeing. Conversations can end with both people firmly holding different political views. Yet our experience is that they end peacefully, with each person recognizing the humanity of the other. That recognition matters at a time when political opponents are often treated as caricatures rather than neighbors.
A protest sign normally tells passing drivers what we believe. Perhaps one sign at the end of the line should also tell them that we are willing to hear what they believe.
The question is simple: Wanna pull over for a chat?