After leading a series of popular monthly community circles in Hancock, Balmeet Lasky and Leaf Seligman are bringing “the circle” to Dublin.
“We’re using circle to bring people together at a time when there is a lot of divisiveness in our community. It’s a way to connect and be heard,” Seligman said.
“Building True Community: Bearing Witness, Holding Space” is held the second Monday of every month in the Dublin Community Center. All are welcome, and the event is free.
The community circles follow specific guidelines ensuring safety and confidentiality, with one participant speaking at a time as a “talking piece” is handed around the circle. Participants use “I statements” to express themselves.
“It’s not just sitting in circle formation. There is a tacit agreement when you show up, that you are all going to engage together for a purpose,” Lasky said.
“The first thing we do is go over the guidelines,” Seligman said. “Everyone needs to feel comfortable. Everyone needs to know what is going to happen; everyone needs to feel safe.”
Seligman calls the circle process “countercultural.”
“We live in a society where everyone wants to know your status, your credentials — like here is my degree, here’s my pedigree, here’s my training, and here’s my ZIP code, and circle says, ‘I’m not interested in that. I’m interested in how you feel,” Seligman said.
Both Seligman and Lasky have dedicated much of their lives to community activism, conflict resolution and spiritual practice.
“Circle is about story and deep experience, and it’s for sharing and listening to one another’s stories. It’s a way of softening people toward one another,” Seligman said. “The best thing about circle is that it invites us to be curious. It slows us down enough to think, ‘I’m curious about that choice that person made.’ Instead of just reacting or forming an opinion, you listen and become curious about why people made the choices they made, rather than judging them.”
According to Lasky, there are “many different kinds of circles.”
“What we are doing in Hancock and in Dublin is a called a community listening circle. It’s a really good way, in these divisive times, when everyone has an opinion about something, and everybody has a fear about something, and everybody has a judgment about something, that were are tacitly agreeing to just and come listen,” she said. “You speak from your own perspective, and from your own lived experience. Maybe somebody says something that just sits wrong with me, and they are six people down from me. I may want to say something to them right then, but I have agreed to wait. I have agreed to wait until the talking piece comes back to me to speak.”
Lasky and Seligman say the circle process creates a “freedom from reaction,” and allows people to process slowly.
“Sometimes, by the time the talking piece gets back to you, it’s no longer important to say something, or you have an opportunity to say, ‘When I heard you say that, my body reacted in this way, and I’m wondering what that means,’” Lasky said.
“Circle is a place to practice slowness and deep, deep listening — to one’s self, to one’s body, to the other beings you are in circle with,” Seligman said. “Circle seeks to really flatten the power. Circle is not interested your expertise; circle is interested in your experience.”
The process is intended to foster”responsive” rather than “reactive” listening.
“You’re not trying to tell anybody they are wrong; you’re not trying to change anybody’s mind. You are just sharing what you are experiencing. It really allows people to co-regulate,” Lasky said.
Seligman and Lasky say circle can be effective helping address trauma.
“It really is a very subtle way of addressing people’s unrecognized trauma. If someone says something and it triggers them, instead going straight to the reaction, it goes to the responsive space,” Lasky said.
Both leaders trained with Kay Pranis, a national leader in restorative justice who specializes in “peacemaking circles” and who trained in the process with Indigenous leaders.
“Circle comes of Indigenous spiritual practice. It is a sacred space, and it is a place set apart,” Seligman said.
According to Seligman and Lasky, community circles are just the first step in the circle process, which includes restorative circles aimed at resolving community conflict. Seligman and Lasky lead restorative circles for organizations such as schools, summer camps and businesses.
Seligman cited an example of a community in which young people had vandalized private property.
“When we brought the young people together with the property owner in circle, this magic happened, where the young people understood the impact of their actions, and on the other side, the property owner realized the young people weren’t hoodlums, they weren’t scary people,” Seligman said. “We were really able to make a difference with that situation. Watching the faces of the young men when they realized what their actions had done to other people in their community was incredible.”
Both Seligman and Lasky would love to see circles become a regular part of addressing community tensions or concerns, and as a way of “staying in right relationships” with their community.
“Community circles are just the first level; we’re seeding the ground. If we can get people used to this process, make a familiar process, we could potentially move forward to using restorative circles in these towns when issues come up,” Seligman said. “It’s about thinking in terms of relationships; it’s the first step.”
“We are teaching everyone how it feels to be deeply listened to, and how it feels to be in relationship with everybody else in the circle,” Lasky said. “It is like the starter circle. It’s the first step.”
For a schedule of community circles in Dublin, go to dubhub-nh.org.