Thirteen years ago this month my friend Kathy and I drove to Rhode Island to pick up the then-newest member of the Nelson family. Eight-week-old Marley was a tri-color English springer spaniel who quickly became an integral part of our family. This month we said goodbye to her.
Marley became that family member who unconditionally loved everyone in the family. It didn’t matter whether you woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. Marley was thrilled to see you. It didn’t matter if you had been impatient with the dog. She still wanted to cuddle. She was there when your sisters were too busy to talk to you. She was there when you lost the soccer game (she probably watched the game). She was in the family Christmas cards. She was part of all the camping trips. We used her voice to lighten the mood when family tensions grew. To those who are not dog people, this will seem sappy and ridiculous. I acknowledge this. But there is something about the family pet that helps to create calm and harmony.
I think it is safe to say that Marley was most deeply attached to my husband Dave and the feeling was mutual. Man and dog were frequent mountain bike companions. Marley could keep up with the bike on a steep downhill or through rough terrain. Marley spent her days lounging in Dave’s art studio, a constant companion, an avid art critic, a reassuring presence. She even offered assistance by occasionally lying in the middle of his canvases.
We could count on Marley to join in any family fun. She loved winter sports. Skating with us involved slipping over the ice on Mud Pond or Dublin Lake. A number of cross country ski outings ended with her covered in snowballs and barely able to waddle back into the house to melt by the wood stove. She loved to go snowshoeing, strategically walking on the snow shoes to keep from sinking in the snow.
Being a springer, water sports were always a favorite. Swimming, kayaking or sailing, she was keen to participate. Whenever we took the kayaks out she came along, swimming beside the kayaks, barking if you dared get in front of her. When she grew tired, she would ask to come into the kayak, rest awhile, and then jump back in for more swimming.
When she was a year old she climbed Mount Washington with my oldest daughter and me. Several times she hiked the entire Wapack Trail from Mt. Watatic to North Pack in one day. She always put in two to three times as many miles in a hike as the humans because she would circle around constantly to make sure you were still coming.
Marley knew that she needed to communicate with us about her needs. She would flip over her empty water bowl, bark to go out, bark to come in, anxiously hover near the dog food cupboard when hungry. She knew we would always provide what she needed and she also knew we might need reminding.
What I learned from Marley is this: Love your family unconditionally. Always greet everyone with the same open, affirming, nonjudgmental love and enthusiasm. Embrace life wholeheartedly, whether you are running full tilt down a mountain or napping away the afternoon. Wherever you are, whoever you are with, be fully present. Always ask for what you need from those you love. Don’t assume they know already.
Embracing life, unconditional love and acceptance, these are elements that make every family and every home a place of peace and restoration for everyone. A dog is not essential. We can offer that same environment to each other.
At The River Center, we want to help! Parenting classes, activities for your preschoolers, money coaching, job search help- all are here for you and your family. Join us tonight at 6:30 p.m. for Mindful Parents
Mindful Children, a free discussion on being present as we listen and speak and relate to each other. For more information, call 924-6800 or email mnelson@rivercenter.us.
Margaret Nelson is executive director of The River Center: Family and Community Resource Center, located at 9 Vose Farm Rd., Suite 115 in Peterborough.