For 25 years, Carol Lunan, a parent facilitator and educator at the Grapevine Family & Community Resource Center in Antrim, has helped parents figure out how to become the parents they want to be.
“It’s not about who is right and who is wrong with parenting,” Lunan said. “It is about, who do you want to be as a parent? What do you need? Where do you want to go?”
Lunan, who has a degree in early childhood education from Antioch University, said she has always come at parent education “from a place of curiosity.”
“I am always wondering, why do people do the things they do? I get people to think about, ‘Why was I doing that?’ We have this idea about what is perfect or great, but we just don’t reach it, it’s not going to happen–there is no perfection with parenting,” she said.
Lunan has heard from many parents over the years about the impact of her work.
“Someone wrote me an email about how I changed her life. People always say that the parent group changed their life; that the support they received from one another changed their lives,” Lunan said. “What we do is work to create a non-judgmental space where people can explore who they want to be as parents.”
Lunan feels that one of the most important questions parents can ask themselves is what their child is learning from any experience.
“I will tell parents sometimes, when dealing with a certain situation, what is the child learning from this? What are they learning from the situation? There is no guilt; guilt keeps us stuck. But there may a decision to do something else in a certain situation which benefits everyone. We help people work toward a place of what they want as a parent. They are working toward something, instead of against something.”
Lunan said that in her 25 years as a preschool teacher and parent educator she has learned that most people just want to be heard.
“To be able to listen to people is a gift; often, that is all that people really need. Some people have never had that. They have never had anyone who sat down and really listen to what they are saying,” Lunan said. “People can learn something from whatever they have been through and then decide what they want for themselves and for their family.”
Melissa Gallagher, executive director of the Grapevine, said that in Lunan’s 25 years at the Grapevine, she has changed countless lives.
“Carol is is pivotal in her role here at the Grapevine,” Gallagher said. “She has served in a really supportive role for literally thousand of families who are all over the spectrum in what they might be dealing with. Carol has helped people navigate hardship, crisis, parents trying to find their way; she has been able to develop really deep relationships with her clients and help them in whatever situation they might be facing.”
Gallagher said former clients regularly come back to the Grapevine to see Lunan, to say hello, to say thank you, or to check in at a new phase of their life.
“We’ll have families will be gone for a while and then they’ll come back when their kids have grown up, or they come back to see Carol when kids are older and maybe they are dealing with teen issues,” Gallagher said. “Carol is totally non-judgmental, she meets people where they are at, and she is a very skilled listener.”
Gallagher and Lunan have worked together for 10 years, when Lunan became director of parent support and Gallagher transitioned from a board member to executive director.
“Carol’s background is so rooted in connection to community and family. She really models a gentle and really supportive approach, building on the strengths that exist rather then seeing a problem to fix,” Gallagher said. “She looks at it like, what are the strengths we are working with? Whatever is going well for this family, let’s build from that. It’s really inspiring to work with someone who leads in that way.”
Lunan said she feels one of the biggest issues facing society is a lack of kindness.
“Our culture is very unkind. If I had one wish, it would be for everyone to be kind and to really listen to one another,” she said.
In 2000, Lunan, who trained and worked previously at Peterborough’s Happy Valley School, founded the Learning Vine, the Grapevine’s preschool.
“Happy Valley was just a huge influence for me. The way they supported children—how they supported children when behavior wasn’t working out, which was also supported in my training at Antioch, was just huge,” Lunan said. “I have been so grateful for what has happened along the way. Everything I have done has contributed to my approach.”
Lunan said her 17 years running the Grapevine’s cooperative preschool was “the best way I ever worked with parents and children.”
“Having parents right there in the room with the kids was truly phenomenal,” she said. “It’s hard being with little kids all day, and it goes on for years. It’s challenging and rewarding and beautiful, and the best thing we did was help parents connect with other parents. ”
Lunan said that often, parents come to the Grapevine for their children but “they stay for themselves.”
“The parent groups are so important. Being with other people who are doing the same things that you are doing and hearing that it is hard for everyone is really vital,” she said. “Parents recognize what they don’t know they needed.”
In 2000, during the pandemic, the Learning Vine transitioned to a nature-based program.
According to Gallagher, the Learning Vine is the only nature-based preschool in New Hampshire focused on serving low-income families.
“You find nature-based preschools in more affluent communities, but we were really committed to starting that model for our community. We’re still going after 25 years, and we have a two-year waiting list, and Carol started it all,” Gallagher said.
She said a key component of the Learning Vine is that parents do not have to provide expensive winter gear, which can be a barrier to outside play.
This year, Lunan, who lives in Francestown, has pulled back from the director role. She is now a parent facilitator and runs special projects and hosts parenting workshop for parents of children of special ages and with special interests.
A very involved grandmother of three, Lunan looks forward to spending more time with her family. She looks back on her long career in family education with pride and joy.
“My work has just been a real blessing in my life,” Lunan said. “I have loved the variety of my work, the staff support at the Grapevine, being able to create workshops. I have loved getting to know the parents and learn their stories. It has been a blessing.”
Gallagher says Lunan is now on her second generation of clients at the Grapevine.
“Carol is just a light in our community,” Gallagher said. “She leads with love, she is just really admired and appreciated, and we hope she will stay here for as long as possible.”