These days, Hancock Congregational Church pastor the Rev. Beth Simmons said she often thinks of the chorus from “Christmas Song” by Phoebe Bridgers.
“You don’t have to be alone to be lonesome
It’s easy to forget
The sadness comes crashin’ like a brick through the window
And it’s Christmas so no one can fix it.”
“That strikes me as the core of why we do this,” said Simmons, referring to the Longest Night Service the church, located at 47 Main St., in Hancock, will host Thursday, Dec. 22, at 7 p.m. in the sanctuary.
Simmons has only been with Hancock Congregational Church since October, but has been conducting of the Longest Night Service – sometimes called a “Blue Christmas” or “Empty Chair” service – for more than a decade. She said it came from the realization that while Christmas is associated with happiness and merriment, not everyone experiences those feelings, whether because of job loss, relationship problems, the pandemic in recent years or “just not feeling it.”
“This is a really hard season for a lot of people,” she said.
Another problem Simmons said people have is that “We want to have this perfect, idyllic Christmas, and for some reason it just doesn’t meet our expectations.”
The Longest Night Service is quiet, and the lights are kept low.
“It’s meant to be soothing and welcoming of the darkness,” Simmons said.
The Advent candles, which are lit weekly and normally have themes of “hope,” “peace,” “joy” and “love,” are lit with the themes of “grief,” “pain,” “fears” and “struggle.” A reading from the Bible follows each candle being lit, along with a verse from “O come, O come, Emmanuel.”
“There’s a lot of space for sitting and being and just reflecting,” Simmons said.
Once all the Advent calendars are lit, the Christ candle in the middle is also lit.
“It’s a reminder that even as we are surrounded by all of these struggles, we still have a light of hope,” Simmons said.
The service also includes an empty chair at the front of the sanctuary, and attendees are invited to write notes about what is troubling them.
“Then they bring it forward and leave it on the empty chair,” Simmons said.
Leaving the message on the chair won’t make the problem go away, Simmons said, but she called it a ritual that represents the community helping carry the person’s struggle and providing hope.
“They’re not carrying it alone,” she said. “Honestly, I think that’s one fo the biggest challenges this time of year, especially if you’re not feeling merry and bright.”
Simmons said the services have not drawn a huge turnout in the past, but the people who have come have found it helpful.
“Just having someone acknowledge the pain and the grief – particularly those who have lost someone – is very powerful and healing,” she said.
Although the service is Christian, everyone is welcome to attend, regardless of their religious or spiritual background.
The Mayo Clinic offers the following tips to prevent holiday stress and depression:
— Acknowledge your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.
— Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events or communities.
— Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year.
— Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations.
— Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend.
— Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, connecting with friends and other activities.
— Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed.
— Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.
— Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Find an activity you enjoy. Take a break by yourself.
— Seek professional help if you need it.