Social distancing has changed the way people live their lives – including the moments that once were defined by the need to come together.
Funeral homes are still operating as an essential business, but the need to avoid large gatherings has resulted in a change in how families can mourn together, as the mandate against gatherings of larger than 10 people is in place for memorial services and viewings.
In Albany, Georgia, a town hit particularly hard by the coronavirus, local officials traced at least one quarter of the town’s positive test cases back to a pair of funerals in February and March where mourners got together and spread the virus unwittingly. Local funeral directors are working to ensure nothing like that happens here.
Carl A. Michaud, owner and funeral director of Michaud Funeral Home and Crematorium in Wilton, said that much of the preplanning for families has moved online, to over the phone and by fax, but can still be done in person, at the families preference. What has really been impacted are the funeral services.
“We’re trying to keep things to immediate family. So far, families have been understanding. It’s not an ideal situation for them, or for us, but everyone understands the situation, and has been willing to work within that,” Michaela Griffin, Michaud’s apprentice said.
That means for things like viewings, funeral homes are scheduling small groups in small numbers, and spaced far enough apart for disinfecting in-between.
“We’re just trying to do all we can for families while being conscious of their health,” said Mark Cournoyer, owner and director of Cournoyer Funeral Home in Jaffrey.
“If families would like to have a viewing, that’s the last thing we want to take away from someone. If we have to be there all day to provide that, we will absolutely do that,” said Julie Thibault, funeral director and owner of Jellison Funeral Home of Peterborough. “A lot of people are not able to go sit with, or be with their loved ones right now. If they weren’t able to have that time with them before they passed, and need that time after, we’re going to make sure that happens.”
Most families have elected to wait to hold memorial services until families can gather in public again, Thibault said. Burials are still moving forward, but again, funeral directors are requesting that they be limited to immediate families only.
“For the most part people have been accepting of it,” Thibault said. “Firstly, because there’s not much choice, but I think they’re also aware they’re doing their part for the greater good by not gathering.”
“We feel awful,” Cournoyer said. “We’re not supposed to be in a position to have to say no. We’ve had a veteran die who can’t have military honors. That will come at some point, but not now.”
Cournoyer said his funeral home has offered webcasting services for memorials and funerals since 2007 at the family’s request, but has made it a standard since social distancing mandates were put in place. While Cournoyer said he’s not able to livestream the services, they are taped and made available publicly immediately afterwards.
Cournoyer said that in recent years, funerals have trended away from the traditional model of filling a church for memorial service; the coronavirus and its limitations could push things even further in that direction once the immediate threat and constant social distancing subside.
“After this calms down,” Cournoyer said. “there’s still that importance in having a moment to say goodbye, having that moment to remember, or pray, or just lean on each other. Right now, we can’t lean on each other, we can’t give a hug, we can’t do any of the normal, supportive things we want to do for our friends and family when death happens. It’s going to be different, but I don’t know to what degree.”
Editor Ben Conant contributed to this report.