I have just returned from a fabulous trip to Rwanda. It should be noted that I have never longed to see Africa. I expected there would be bugs that carry bad diseases there. It would be hot. The water is bad to drink. And, some of these things were true. You may read into this that I felt it would be also scary and different. However, a mother will do extraordinary things when faced with an opportunity to see her daughter, son-in-law and two grandkids. So off we went to spend Christmas and New Year’s in Rwanda.
Now I must say that riding in a car with your daughter, with your grandson in his car seat, surrounded by the craziest driving situation you have ever seen, is an Experience. At every corner there is a great convergence- of cars, trucks, moto taxis, motorcycles, bicycles, and people- lots of people. In a two lane road there is easily five lanes coming and going. Walkers cross the road in the midst of what seems like traffic chaos. There are no visible traffic laws or enforcement. It is an all-out free for all. If you want to merge, you just move gently in the direction you want to go and – here’s the amazing thing- a space opens up for you!
You see, in the midst of streets filled with vehicles of every description and people filling in any available spaces, the mood is genial, gracious. There is an absence of anger, impatience, or the need to get somewhere quickly. Everyone understands the system. You move forward and I’ll move forward. You go this way and I’ll go that way. I’ll watch out for your fender and the guy behind me will keep a watch on my bumper. We stay alert, watch out for each other and no one gets hurt and everyone arrives safely at their destination.
This makes me think about how successful communities work. There is a sense of belonging that happens in a community where we call each by name, we watch the kids grow up, we notice when you have a different car. We are all busy doing Life, but in the midst of everything, we have each other’s backs. We support each other when we are sick, or without a job, or just need some company. We give a ride to a neighbor when the car is in the shop, we stop and chat in the produce aisle, we offer to watch the cat while you are away. We are there for each other to share burdens and joys.
I sensed a strong sense of community and belonging to a village, a family, a nation in Rwanda. As a people they have seen horrific acts of violence. Yet, they are not a bitter people. I observed the Rwandans as they carried their physical burdens. They carry everything conceivable on their heads. I saw clay roof tiles, crates of eggs, potatoes, all kinds of fruit, bales of hay, and tanks of water. Mothers would carry baskets full of produce to sell at market while holding an umbrella to protect the baby on their back from the sun. They all have something to carry, they walk together, baskets on their heads, chatting about their families, their work, their hopes and dreams. They weave between the cars and bicycles, calmly. They carry their loads with dignity and grace within their community.
I think about our community here in the Eastern Monadnock Region. Every day I see people that I know who know we have been away and ask, how was the trip? They watered my plants, plowed our driveway, noted our postings on FaceBook. Friends and acquaintances know me by name and are there to support me when needed. That is community. Giving each other space to move forward when needed, supporting us when we need help, checking in to make sure we are doing all right. It is a wonderful to thing to know that others have my back, and I am thankful.
So as we live and work here in this community that we love, we are like the traffic in Kigali. You nudge forward and I’ll make room for you. I’ll watch your back and someone else is watching mine. Together we will move forward in this journey we call Life. How wonderful to know we do so in community and not alone.
The River Center is a family and community resource center. Here to help you connect with the resources you need to be successful in your family, job, finances, and life. If you need assistance, give us a call at 924-6800.
Margaret Nelson is Executive Director of The River Center.