Deborah “Deb” Holmes was the consummate volunteer. If it needed a helping hand, she was already there, providing a lift, and doing it with a smile on her face.
Holmes, a former New Ipswich Recreation Director, Girl Scout leader, and volunteer with the Souhegan Country Club, New Ipswich Congregational Church Children’s Fair, New Ipswich Fall Festival, and any number of sports teams as her children grew up, died of brain cancer on April 14 at the age of 54, about a year after her diagnosis.
“[She] was just larger than life. Always eager to help anybody and everybody. She had a contagious laugh, welcoming attitude, and exuberance for animals, people, but mostly children,” Holmes’ long-time friend Jody Nichelson said.
Holmes’ daughter, Ariana Holmes, said her mother held a special place for children in her heart. Before she had her own two children, she fostered teenagers.
They were still a young couple, her husband, Raymond Holmes said. Though they themselves were in their twenties, and enjoying being young and married to their high school sweethearts, Holmes told her husband that she saw the need and wanted to help.
“She talked me into it, and I’m so glad we did it. Those kids were fantastic, and it helped prepare us for when we had our own children. But that’s how she was,” Raymond Holmes said. “Anyone who needed anything, she would help them. If it was someone she’d met twice, or had known forever, she’d do anything for anyone. Anywhere there was a gap, she would fill it.”
Especially, her son Devon Holmes said, when it came to children. Her own, their friends, and indeed, complete strangers.
“She did everything in her power to make sure that the kids in this town had a good upbringing and were surrounded by good people,” Devon Holmes said. “She wanted to make sure all of them were taken care of, had something to do, and knew that they were loved.”
“She always said, ‘You can change the world, one kid at a time. If you empower the next generation, the world will be a better place.’ She knew how much an adult could impact a kid’s mind,” Ariana Holmes said.
And Holmes embodied that philosophy, working with many children over the years, volunteering as a coach for soccer, basketball, cheerleading, and even working for a time as the recreation coordinator and recreation director for New Ipswich.
Holmes had a degree in computer science, and worked as a project manager with Rocket Software, but she poured herself into volunteer work, as well.
For 12 years, she was a Girl Scout leader and mentor to other troop leaders in the area, nurturing her daughter’s troop until many of them were in high school.
Devon Holmes said that when his high school girlfriend’s cheer team was short a coach and in danger of being disbanded, his mother stepped up, even though she only had ever mentored his sister’s childhood team, and had little experience with competitive cheering. She didn’t want to see the team die if she could do something about it, he said. He said he now coaches a middle school basketball team in his new home state, despite not having coaching experience, because the team was looking for someone to lead the team and was struggling for a volunteer.
“I wasn’t going to do it, because I don’t really have the experience, but then I said, ‘You know what Mom would do? She’d step up and do it,’” Devon said. “That’s what I hope people realize about her: How much time and energy she gave to the community, to the kids, and how much she’s inspired other people to do the same. The idea that one good deed gets passed on.”
Ariana Holmes said her mother loved nothing more than a full house, and took great satisfaction in the fact that her children’s friends would come by, even when her children weren’t home, or make themselves at home.
“That was her goal. She could meet someone and only meet them once, and that person would remember her smile and love and laugh. She just wanted to share that with everyone she met. She wanted everyone around her to feel loved and welcomed,” Ariana Holmes said.
“Everything she did, she did it out of love, and because she wanted to give back to the community,” Ariana Holmes said. “She was always leading by example.”
She was involved with many different organizations – “as many as her family would allow” joked Ariana Holmes – and was always ready to lend a hand to the next big venture. Whether she was dressing as a jester for the Souhegan Country Club’s now-annual fairy tea party, or organizing the New Ipswich Fall Festival, if there was an event going on, Holmes was usually in the thick of it.
“She worked full-time, and you would never know it, because she was always doing so much,” Mindy Buxton, Holmes friend, said. “She was a big motivator to everyone around her to be a better person and to push yourself to do what’s right.”
“I always told her I wanted to grow up to be just like her,” said friend Christine Bergeron, who met Holmes when their daughters were in Girl Scouts together.
Ariana Holmes said her mother was always welcoming, and an open listener, but also honest about herself and others.
“She always said what her flaws were. She never tried to portray herself as perfect,” Ariana Holmes said. “She was proud of her flaws, because she always said they were there to learn from.”
Bergeron said Holmes was never one to let her friends be low, either. She was always looking for a solution, a way to solve your issue, and to get you back on the horse when you were feeling down, Bergeron said.
“She’d call you out on your antics. She could give you a look that made you go, ‘I know, I know.’ She wanted to make you smile. Even in her last days, she was cracking jokes and trying to make you laugh,” Bergeron said. “She was the one person you could tell anything to, and she would immediately say, ‘What can we do about it? How can we solve this?’ She was probably the most selfless person I ever met. She always made you feel like you were part of her world, and it was a great world to be a part of.”
Holmes died at her home, surrounded by family, and is survived by her children, Devon and Ariana, and her husband Raymond Holmes, Jr.
The family held a celebration of life for Holmes in March, prior to her passing, and plans to hold a gathering for her friends and family after social distancing mandates have been lifted.
In lieu of flowers, gifts in memory of Holmes may be made to Massachusetts General Hospital in support of neuro-oncology research. Checks may be made out to MGH, c/o Heidi Bergmeyer, MGH Development Office, 125 Nashua Street, Suite 540, Boston, MA 02114 with ‘In Memory of Deborah’ in the memo.