To the editor:
They found it . . . and there was more than one. For years Donald Trump had reiterated – in press releases, screaming tweets, and TV interviews – that “there isn’t a racist bone in my body!” An army of lackeys and sycophants has consistently backed up the bully-in-chief in this self-diagnosis, confirming “he is the least racist person I know.” Well, it looks like they’ve all been drinking the same orthopedic kool-aid.
Leaked x-rays from Trump’s last physical in February reveal deposits of racist bone matter in several of the president’s vertebrae (thoracic and lumbar), chest (sternum), skull (jaw bone), and, especially, hands and fingers (metacarpals and phalanges – informally known to anatomists as “the tweeters”).
This startling discovery was made by a joint investigative-reporting team from CNN, NBC, the New York Times, and the Washington Post (collectively known to the Trump administration as the VERY, VERY FAUX MEDIA! Initially, the team had been searching for the president’s tax returns. Stymied, however, by the Justice Department’s new Freedom of Disinformation Act (“we’ll give you anything but the truth, hah! hah!”), the reporters stumbled accidentally into a federal medical database of unredacted documents.
With the help of a confidential White House medical source, the team was given detailed orthopedic info from the president’s physical. The racist bone deposits were confirmed by the source (known only as “Deep Marrow”) as accurate and “likely to metastasize quickly over time.”
The Trump administration is in full denial of these reports. White House medical spin doctors have abandoned the “no racist bone” argument in favor of “not a racist organ in his body.” Trump’s latest tweet stated: “My heart is pure, my brain is clear . . . and my spleen has been surgically removed!” It was reported, however, that much of his base was not happy with that last procedure.
Daniel Sullivan
Bennington