December is filled with traditions, events, and expectations. The season can bring some challenges. I find that I can overreact, get worked up about getting things accomplished, place too much importance on things of little importance and in many other ways be a little over the top.

I was making cookies the other day. My mother-in-law’s cream cheese cookies -- yes, mostly butter and cream cheese with some flour to hold it together. I only make them in December, which is probably best for our heart health, but they are so yummy. However, I was getting stressed. I wanted to get this task done and off my to-do list. Dave tried to help. I reacted poorly. Reread paragraph one -- good grief.

December can be stressful. We can hold expectations about what the holidays should look like for our families and for ourselves. Sometimes those expectations make us a little difficult to be around. Which is ironic, isn’t it?

Popular holiday music tells us how we should feel about the holidays. “’Tis the season to be jolly.” “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright.” “It’s the most-wonderful time of the year.” Then, of course, is the pressure of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know.” Note the key words of “jolly,” “calm,” “wonderful.” Does that describe you now?

Are we somehow trying to recreate the ideal holiday -- just like the ones we used to know. Really? What does an ideal holiday look like? Does it include all the perfectly prepared holiday foods – all of them?! Perhaps in your memory the “must have” foods include Aunt Gloria’s holiday bread, Grandma’s bean casserole, Ruby’s snow pudding, Uncle Wally’s sill, Phyllis’ special ham sauce and every single one of the special cookies anyone ever made for the holidays. It is entirely possible that you have merged all the holiday foods and traditions of your youth into one imaginary unachieveable perfect holiday. And you have yourself and everyone around you so stressed out they dread December. 

My husband reminds me, “relax and pay attention.” Take a deep breath. Uncurl your tight grip on that sacred to-do list. Reach out and hug a loved one. Sit down and read that story again. Let the 4-year-old tell you all about what her stuffed animals are saying and doing behind the couch. Never mind the sticky hands – lean in for that hug. Your sweater will launder just fine. Allow yourself to be in the moment with those you love. Put away your ideal expectations and pay attention to the people you love. They are after all what make your traditions, your cookies, your gatherings worthwhile.

So, this season, relax and pay attention to those around you. Love them. Hug them. Create memories of love, joy, peace, patience and calm.

Happy Holidays to you and yours from all of us at The River Center Family and Community Resource Center.

To check out our winter programs and upcoming free tax preparation, visit rivercenternh.org.    

Margaret Nelson is executive director of The River Center Family and Community Resource Center