If you read many opinion pieces — particularly these days — you may notice they often come across as preachy, whiny, hysterical or some combination of the three. I’ll confess to occasional guilt myself, so I want to try a different tack here.
Whether we agree on anything else, perhaps we can agree on a love for “Jeopardy!” I go all the way back to the Art Fleming days and categories such as “Name the Watergate Defendants” and “World Series Lost by the Red Sox.” These days, though, I struggle more with categories like “Insults Used While Texting” and “Martial Arts Hall of Famers.”
So instead, let’s have a little fun with this category: “Future Epitaphs of the Rich and Powerful.” I’ll give you the epitaph, and you identify the eventual decedent destined to lie beneath it for eternity.
Here’s an easy one to start: “Never a Slave to the Rule of Law.” This one’s simple because it could apply to any of the six Supreme Court justices who have used whatever reasoning was necessary to overturn long-standing precedents, invalidate congressional legislation on voting and civil rights passed by overwhelming majorities, and elevate personal agendas over the rule of law.
How about: “Had More Money Than Croesus, but That’s About It.” This one’s tougher because there are so many possibilities. Think cars, space, media and general worthlessness. Need a clue? Try: “Fired Thousands Because He Could.”
OK, one more, and let’s call it a Daily Double: “Got Elected to Make a Difference, but Not the Ones We Wanted.” This one’s even harder because it opens the field worldwide. If you answered any of the 537 people sent to Washington by voters, you’d be at least partially correct. If you narrowed it to people who started wars that seem never-ending, the field gets smaller, though there’s still overlap. And some possibilities are too cruel or vindictive even to mention on a family show.
See how much more fun this can be? No whining, and you stay up on current events without even realizing it.
The trouble is that when people do the things these categories represent, they need to be called out clearly and decisively, by name. Otherwise, we’re all facing double jeopardy, and we may be permanently offstage by the time Final Jeopardy arrives.
What would you want your epitaph to say about you?